Before I do some backtracking on exciting things that have
been happening while I’ve been absent from the blogosphere, I have to have a
rant about something that annoyed me today because I’m in the mood for a rant
as I have to go back to work tomorrow after 2 weeks off. *sigh* Anyway, I’ve
seen so many great beauty campaigns at the minute from companies like Dove Natural Beauty Campaign
etc. I feel I need to put my two cents in; everyone is beautiful. Yes I agree, and
I would prefer if people didn’t pretend they looked like Beyoncé all the time. Even Beyoncé doesn’t look like Beyoncé all the
time. For example, around 7pm on a Saturday night you start to see these
popping up on your Facebook new feed;
Exhibit A - “LAWL I’m such a
mess just getting ready here, Haha state of me...”
A process known as fishing for compliments. You did not look
like that starting to get ready, you looked like this;
Exhibit B - A creature from the blue lagoon. No bra, Christmas jammies
on in August, no tan, face mask and straggly wet hair.
So now instead of using all the products available to
enhance your beauty as you see fit, girls are now pretending it takes absolutely
zero effort to look like a beauty queen either. If you really wake up with a
perfect sparkling St. Tropez glow, an Estee Lauder face and Cheryl Cole hair
then you need to let us humans know how this feat is accomplished on your home
planet.
Like when politicians say the science sector won’t be
affected by budget cuts, you know it’s lies.
For all those poor men and young impressionable females getting
the idea that some girls ‘just look like that’, you need to know;
a) Beautifying
for females is harder on maintenance and upkeep than a 1998 Ford Fiesta
b) Girls rooms look like the crash scene on the meteor from Armageddon after getting ready for a
night out
c) Any girls actually can look stereotypically “beautiful”
if they wanted to, it’s just time and products (watch any reality ‘Makeover’ show on TV – ref. Everything by
Gok Wan)
d) Face masks do exist; they aren’t just from chick flicks
and rom-coms.
You might think this isn’t about science but it is because
it has a psychological effect on women
and sometimes men, which is where these beauty campaigns are coming from, they
are aimed at women themselves to change this outlook on beauty.
We’ve turned into such masters of camouflage that most straight men have no idea what an unprocessed
female in her natural habitat even looks like until they move in together. Don’t
get me wrong, I love camouflage, I love fake tan (done correctly), fake eyelashes (done correctly) and all the rest but I don’t pretend I’m not wearing it,
or pretend it doesn’t take a long time to get dolled up for a big occasion. There
is no point in that; women know its lies and men don’t care.
Seriously though, when you start going out with a guy and
they see you for the first time with your hair in a topknot, no makeup, no ‘sucky-in
in pants’, no chicken fillets and your old school tracksuit bottoms, do they
run away screaming into the distance? In fact do they even blink an eye?? No. Don’t
care. Don’t even notice. The good ones appreciate when you make the effort and don't mind when you don't.
Of course, if you did any science in school you will know
that teachers always say ‘right, learn this rule it covers everything on the
subject’... ‘Oh except for; this, this and this’. Then those things that don’t fit
into the logical rule are what you spend the rest of the year trying to learn. Well
obviously there are men that don’t fit this general consensus I’ve created;
A recent study asked men what ‘look’ they preferred on women
and a few responded ‘Natural – like Kim
Kardashian’. I’ll just let that sink in for a minute. Yes, natural and Kim
Kardashian were used in the same sentence. These are the men I was talking
about that have been bamboozled beyond help by the media and girls pretending
they look like the cover of a fashion magazine without making any effort. As a matter of fact, Kimi K has been estimated
to spend between $80000 to over $200000 a year on beauty and reportedly took
nearly 5 hours just to get her hair done for a recent magazine shoot, done by
professionals may I add, not by herself.
Back to the stupid photo, basically most men aren’t bothered
if you looked like exhibit A or B getting ready, they fancy you both ways or
not at all. So don’t aim it at men for real compliments and don’t aim it at
women because they know it’s staged.
In order to be entirely fair, I’m not judging girls just
because they put a lot of effort into their appearance. Everybody should be
appreciated no matter how much effort they want to put into their image. I like
the tanned look, some are pale and glowing, that’s just fine. Enhancing your
assets isn’t a modern phenomenon, ancient Egyptians used black eyeliner to
make their eyes look bigger like their Goddess Hathor, who was represented as a cow. People use make up to make their
face seem more symmetrical, a trait we subconsciously associate with beauty.
Look however you want, whether that’s a cow or an isosceles
triangle. Just don’t pretend you’re a made up fantasy. Unless you’re at Comic-Con
then knock yourself out.
Finally, if you see pictures such as these and they make you
sad, just remember, even if they did look that perfect in real life (unlikely),
its ok to have a healthy hatred of these people. Just help yourself get over it
by realising that no one can be that genetically lucky, they probably have
something wrong with them that you can’t see. Like really long nostril hairs
they have to trim before going out in public.
To conclude, here is an accurate representation of my face
when I see people posting things like this and misrepresenting natural beauty;
The face of a Angel... albeit a mighty unimpressed one.
