“hang·o·ver
n.
1. Unpleasant physical effects following the
heavy use of alcohol.
2. A letdown, as after a period of excitement.
3. A vestige; a holdover: hangovers from pre-war
legislation.”
Clearly I am referring to point 1. Now I’m not divulging
whether the hangover which was the muse for this post was my own or if I was a
witness to another’s grief. Whoever the owner of that particular hangover was
though, I'm sure you will be glad to know, has made a full recovery.
Let’s look at that definition though.
“Unpleasant”- understatement of the century
“Physical” – you forgot psychologically harrowing and mentally
destructive
“Effects” – symptoms of abuse would be more descriptive here
“Heavy Use” – now that really depends upon your
age/sex/body/dinner/mental state
Here is my
broader definition – The mini death experienced from 2-24 hours after drinking
alcohol without having your dinner.
We all know the ‘rules’. Like the breaking of the school
rules leads to detention, breaking of the drinking rules leads to hangover
central.
The Rules
1.
Don’t mix
grape and grain. Or ‘Beer after liquor makes you sicker’. Beer or Wine plus
spirits = no.
2.
Eatin’ is
Cheatin’ – Eating is cheating except what you are actually cheating is
yourself out of a hangover. Cheat away and laugh at the apocalyptic zombies you
have the pleasure of being friends with the next day. The greasier the better
(the food, not your friends) as this will line your stomach better and slow
down alcohol absorption.
3.
Every glass
of water taken the night before saves you drinking two the next day.
Hydration is KEY.
The actual rules s designated by UK government are; 21 units
per week for men, including 2 alcohol free days and no more than 4 units in one
day. For women it’s 14 units per week, no more than 3 a day and 2 free days per
week.
Horrify yourself about the details of units here.
Recent studies have shown massive variations in guidelines
though, even within Europe. Some countries make no differentiation between men
and women and debate whether alcohol free days are required. I think my rules
above are far more helpful, I’ll consider submitting them as internationally
agreed consumption guidelines.
The Facts
1.
The Hypothalamus
is a sneakily small part of the brain; its size is not relative to its role. It’s
like the chief housekeeper of the body and drives Homeostasis (regulating and
maintaining the internal conditions e.g. temperature,). Alcohol seriously
upsets its delicate balance and this is displayed by increased blood pressure,
hunger, thirst and urge to pee. Body and temperature and heart rate decrease.
2.
The pituitary
gland, controlled by the hypothalamus, secretes ADH (anti-diuretic
hormone). ADH acts on the kidneys to reabsorb water. Alcohol consumption leads
to the inhibition of ADH which in turn leads to decreased absorption of water
in the kidneys meaning you pee more often and become severely dehydrated. This
is the main culprit for the hangover.
3.
Alcohol is broken down by an enzyme called Alcohol dehydrogenase into Acetaldehyde.
A variant in the gene for this enzyme, found commonly in Asian people, leads to
increased metabolism of alcohol. However many also have a variant in the gene
for acetaldehyde dehydrogenase which breaks the acetaldehyde down which means
that although they don’t feel as much of the ‘buzz’ from alcohol consumption,
they have increased side effects due to toxic build up. This is called Alcohol
Flush Reaction.
4.
Do not take
paracetemol (acetaminophen). Paracetamol and ethanol are detoxified by the
same pathway in your liver, the cytochrome
P450 oxygenase pathway. Taking them both together can lead to critical
shutdown by overloading the pathway. This dramatically increases chances liver
cirrhosis, failure and death.
5.
The
Hippocampus is a part of the brain involved in memory. Alcohol reaching
here leads to the age old question ‘What happened last night?.
The Cure
Here it is!
The scientifically proven
antidote to all hangovers!
1.
Water
2.
H2O
3.
Liquid dihydrogen monoxide (that’s just water
too babes)
was going to do a whole section on The Myths, but it’s
much easier to say everything except water is a myth. Raw eggs, black coffee, having
another drink etc only help either by delivering you their water content or
delaying the effects.
It’s not really all that surprising, water is the basis for
life on earth, and in this case can revive you from apparent death. I apologise
for not giving you a matrix style
pill that reverses the night’s damage and has you dancing around doing the
housework and singing to mice Cinderella style. Or did you do that last night?
“Not all chemicals are bad. Without
chemicals such as Hydrogen and Oxygen, for example, there would be no way to
make water, a vital ingredient in beer.”
~Dave Barry
Option 1 - If you
have become unexpectedly inebriated the only way to avoid a hangover is to
continue consuming alcohol until you die.
Option 2 - Option
1 is not a real option and I strongly recommend putting the jaegerbomb down,
drinking some lucozade and going to bed. Followed upon awakening by a full
Ulster fry and approximately an Olympic sized pool amount of water.
Option 3 – Stay
sober? Or just follow up on your progress by paying better heed to The Rules next time and attempt
to “drink responsibly”. https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/
So really the truth about all hangovers is, they’re like
paper cuts. You feel like you’re going to die and yet receive not one button of
sympathy.
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